I have a twelve year old who tears through books at a speed I can’t believe, and a ten year old who listens to audiobooks anytime he’s in his room. Thank goodness for my kids being old enough to take themselves to the base library (shoutout JBPHH Library staff- you all are superstars) because I could never keep up with household chores AND getting enough books for these kids to read.
Am I jealous? Of the free time they have to disappear into another world, to shut out any and all requests from me to “Hellooooo please finish your breakfast and clear your plate!” and just read? I mean… maybe a little. It seems like they tune us out a little more each year as they near teendom. I’ve started seeing that not so subtle eye roll when I ask questions about school and friends. I don’t want to be annoying if I don’t have to be, there are plenty of days I HAVE to be annoying for sure, but I also really want to connect with my kids. So one morning, as I watched my oldest child take approximately 37 minutes to eat one piece of toast while she was locked into her book, I made a small bid for attention.
“How’s the book?”
“Good, I’ve read it before, but I haven’t had time to go to the library and this is one of my favorites so I decided to reread it.” I waited a minute, wondering when I had even bought her that book and then decided to ask a wild question: ”I’ve been looking for something to read, would you mind if I had a turn reading it when you are done?” She paused and looked up and then with a shy smile said, “Um sure? I’ll bring it to you when I’m done.”
Lucky for me it only took her until later that afternoon and that night I climbed into bed and picked it up off of my bedside table. It was a cute story, lots of fluff and misunderstandings, and after a few nights I closed the first book that wasn’t categorized “self help” I’d read in the last few years. The next day, I handed it back and thanked her for letting me borrow it. She took a couple of steps and then turned back around and asked,
“so… what did you think?”And there it was. An easy door to conversation burst open. It was an opportunity so obvious it could have smacked me in the face, but at the same time so quiet that I had almost let it pass me by. “I loved it, I can see why it’s one of your favorite books.” Before I knew it, we were discussing favorite characters and wondering why the author had added certain elements to the story. I think I learned more about how she views the world right now in that 5 minute impromptu book club meeting than I had in the last two weeks of dinner conversation. She was excited to share her thoughts, and it was clear to me how she is really beginning to step into her own personhood.
I’ve heard the idea of creating a
book club with your kids, and I think that could work well for some families. For me, though, I think I found such success by putting her in the position of being asked to borrow something. There was a shift in power there that I could see humanized me as a parent to her.
I have since asked to borrow a few more books, and each time we’ve had a real, meaningful conversation about what we got out of it. Someday soon, I will make the same request of her little brother. First, though, I need to amp myself up to read the fantasy type novels that he likes. Reading those will be an act of true love.
I loved reading this! I am so happy I raised my son to be a reader. During his recent deployment, he started reading a series he found on the base’s library. I let a friend know who he was reading and she helped me find a large stack of used books in the series. I would send books in every box I sent him. It was so nice because he left them at the base for others to enjoy.