How I Created Boundaries That Saved My Sanity
I don’t know about you, but in our household TDY’s always seem to fall somewhere within the fourth quarter. Right in the middle of big holidays, overflowing calendars, and those last pushes to tie up our yearly goals. For many moms and military spouses, this time of year becomes a season of saying yes to more than we can carry, somehow even more so than we already do the rest of the year, AND wrestling with the emotional burnout or guilt that ultimately follows.
We say yes to leading another event.
Yes to volunteering in the classroom.
Yes to hosting that big Friendsgiving meal.
After years of going through that same cycle, here’s the hard truth: all those yeses don’t always serve us. They don’t serve us when our mind, body, and soul are quietly begging us to pause and step back into rest. They may actually be draining us dry, causing us to run on empty, snap at our families and feel bone-deep tired day after day.
Sound familiar? I’ve felt it too.
As military moms, we know pressure. When our spouses are away, we hold down the fort. When we’ve had to rebuild our village for the third time, we toss on a smile and keep going. When the unspoken expectation is that we’ll carry it all; we simply do until we can’t anymore.
That’s why October’s designation as Emotional Wellness Month feels so timely. It’s meant to bring awareness to the rising need to lower stress and care for our emotional health. And I feel it’s no accident that it falls right before the holiday rush.
So what if this year we didn’t wait until the breaking point to realize boundaries aren’t selfish? What if we chose right now to put them in place, before the load gets heavier?
I want to share the boundaries that saved my sanity; not because I shut people out or stopped showing up, but because I gave myself permission to breathe again. My hope is that you’ll find the same freedom I have to end this year not in survival mode, but with an abundance of peace and joy.
1. Time Boundaries – Guarding My Quiet Mornings
For years, I jumped out of bed straight into chaos – checking my phone, throwing breakfast together, managing a hundred moving pieces before I even fully opened my eyes for the day. It was utterly exhausting! What I’ve learned is that when I protect my mornings, I set the tone for, not only my day, but my family’s day.
For me, that looks like blocking time. Instead of over-scheduling or saying yes to everything at once, I use a block-schedule style rhythm as much as I can throughout my day. Mornings are for homeschool, a good book with actual hot coffee and my personal quiet time. Afternoons are for work, house chores, and errands. And evenings are for family. It’s not perfect, but having a general flow gives my brain permission to say no to things that don’t fit within that block and to say yes with less guilt to the things that matter most.
2. Emotional Boundaries – Letting Go of Being “Always On”
As moms, we’re used to being the one everyone leans on. But I realized that constantly being available, whether for a friend in crisis, a client, or someone’s last-minute need was leaving me with nothing left for myself. Emotional boundaries meant giving myself permission to step back during seasons when I was already running thin.
How are we supposed to help support others emotions when we aren’t even allowing space to support our own? It doesn’t mean I don’t care; it means I care enough about my own well-being to admit when I can’t pour from an empty cup.
3. Digital Boundaries – Resisting the Scroll
This one hits me hard because I make my living online. Social media and email can so easily consume my attention before I even notice the time. I hop in to post on a client’s social for the day and end up finding myself aimlessly scrolling. The flood of devastating breaking news, or the comparison game leaves me anxious and depleted. Digital boundaries for me, look like setting timers for apps that fit within my blocked schedule, unfollowing accounts that drain me, and curating my feed with voices that encourage me.
It’s not about disconnecting completely; it’s about choosing what I let in. Protecting that space has made my online work time healthier and my offline life lighter.
4. Community Boundaries – Saying A Loving “NO”
This might be the toughest one, because I genuinely love serving. I love volunteering in my community, helping anytime a friend needs anything, and being part of my kids’ school events. What I eventually had to accept was that “just because I can” doesn’t mean I should. While I may love helping others, a lot of those events lead to a massive drain in my energy that I may not have room for during this season. Community boundaries look like taking on smaller roles, or saying a loving no to things I enjoy so I can say yes to my family and my own wellness.
And you know what? The right people understand. Healthy friendships and communities respect when you set boundaries; in fact, I’d argue that it makes those connections stronger.
Military life will always bring challenges we can’t control. Deployments, moves, separations, and the weight of constant change. Choosing boundaries, though? That’s one place we do have a say no matter the season. When we guard our time, protect our emotional space, and give ourselves permission to pause, we aren’t letting people down; we’re giving ourselves the ability to show up with more strength, presence, and peace.
As Emotional Wellness Month reminds us, caring for our inner world is not selfish; it’s necessity. Boundaries are a gift to ourselves, our families, and our communities.
Take a quiet moment this month to reflect on some of these questions:
-
Where am I saying “yes” when I really mean, “I would love to another time, but can’t right now”?
-
What would it feel like to give myself permission to truly rest?
-
What is one boundary I could focus on implementing today that would allow me to breathe again?
You don’t have to overhaul your whole life right this second. Just start with one step towards releasing your overwhelm and let that be enough for now.
Find more ideas on how to support your emotional wellness with A Dose of Dopamine here!
