Celebrating Mother’s Day when your “nest” is empty can be a complex emotional landscape for a military mama. Whether they are deployed, stationed across the country, or simply living their adult lives, the distance feels a little heavier on a day designed for togetherness.
Now that my children are adults, Mother’s Day just hits differently. There are no syrupy hands to clean after they’ve made me breakfast, no homemade cards brought home from school with their little painted handprints, and no squishy hugs (I miss this one the most).
Learning to Pivot
So, I have learned to pivot (as Ross explained in that infamous episode of Friends, “PIVOT!”). Pivoting did not come easy to me; it came with many frustrations as I transitioned from wanting to be with them when they were little to now wanting peace. An escape to a hotel room, room service, and a massage. Now THAT is Mother’s Day. Until my son joined the military…
It took a beat for me to realize that I needed to change some mindsets after the first Mother’s Day when he was active-duty and I was not able to physically see him. I pray these ideas help you move forward as you navigate this Military Mama journey.
1. Focus on the idea that even if the physical house is empty, your heart and mind are still full of their journey.
It was a huge transition from “active duty” parenting (lunches, homework, piles of laundry) to “supportive role” parenting (prayers, FaceTime, care packages). Take a moment, cry it out, and keep moving forward. The house became quiet, but my prayers became louder.
2. Since many military kids can’t make it home, encourage a new tradition.
Think about coordinating a time for a FaceTime coffee or brunch. Even if the time zones are wonky, suggest a “synchronized” meal where you both eat the same thing (like donuts and coffee).
3. For the mom whose child is deployed and can’t call, the day can be particularly tough.
Give them permission to opt out of the traditional fanfare. It’s okay if Mother’s Day is just a “Sunday” this year. Take a moment to “Mother Yourself.” Do something that brings you peace, whether it’s a long walk, a book, or a movie your kids used to hate (Hallmark channel binge time!).
4. Since empty-nesters spend so much time sending boxes out, take the time to support another empty-nesting mom.
Send a “Happy Mother’s Day” card, or flowers to a fellow military mom that you know whose child is currently in Basic Training or Deployed. We have created a community of these women in our Love, Mom Facebook group. Join us!
5. Most importantly, acknowledge the growth and the pride that come with an empty nest.
Gals, we have been through it! We’ve changed diapers, cleaned wounds, done enough laundry for a small country, and then had to tell them goodbye as they flew the coup. We wished for clean-living rooms, empty laundry baskets, and now that it is silent – I wish for a pair of combat boots at my door.
But I am oh, so proud of the young name who wears them now!
So, wear your Empty-Nesting Queen crown proudly this Mother’s Day, pray for your adult children, and take a moment for yourself as you continue to navigate empty-nesting. We have earned it.
