If one of your pals is preparing to launch to or from an OCONUS location, there is a good chance they are crying in a closet at least a few minutes out of each day.
An OCONUS PCS Hits Differently
I don’t think any move is easy. But there are specific hardships with an OCONUS PCS that make it a toe-curlingly painful experience.
If you have friends headed home from overseas (or from the mainland to an OCONUS location), here are a few practical, reasonable things you can do to help ease the last stretch of time before the flight. None of these are extraordinary acts like offering to help clean the home, or providing a meal (though a lot of people can use that help if you’re feeling very generous). At most, I have found that these suggestions take a small change of pattern in my daily life, but can provide a lot of help to friends on their way out the door.
Tips and Advice
- Offer to be a laundry location. I ask if there’s a particular day they want to come do all of the laundry at once, or if they want to come throw a load in every morning/afternoon. Then I just time my laundry on the opposite schedule. Laundry is one of those never-ending chores, and I think, particularly because we all know that, it can be uncomfortable to ask for help. There usually is a laundromat around, but that can be expensive. And sometimes we don’t have time to sit and wait for the machines to finish, particularly if there are still things at home needing attention. Giving my friends a quick orientation on our machines (I actually have it written out; we’ve happily been the laundromat for so many beloved friends at this point!) and asking if it’s okay that I restart the dryer for them if needed takes almost no time for me but helps in a big way.
Stock Image from Unsplash- credit Annie Spratt - Lend blankets or pillows if you have spares on hand. Many OCONUS locations will provide temporary furniture for an empty house during a PCS, as well as a lending locker for basic household goods like plates, pots and pans. However, they don’t provide things like sheets, towels, blankets, etc. If you have extra to spare, it can really make someone so much more comfortable during the time they are sleeping on a guaranteed-to-be-awful mattress. I offer to drop off what they need after the movers have left, so nothing accidentally gets packed, and then I take a photo of the stack of things I’m dropping off so that it’s easier to remember exactly what was from me when it’s time to clear out of the house. Besides basic linens, I’ve also lent out our card table, a throw blanket for the couch, a lamp, and a few kids toys that my kids never even missed (and I drove straight to the thrift store upon pick up). In my experience, it feels a bit intoxicating to realize how few things you actually NEED to live in a home, but having a few small comfort items makes all the difference, especially with kids.
- Let the kids hang out. I keep extra snacks on hand and our home has an open-door policy for the weeks surrounding PCS season. I think this is much more common in installation housing communities, but I love the way the kids settle right in and make themselves at home in a space that is familiar, while their own home is a little upside down. Movie night, anyone? Afternoon cookies? Boardgame marathon? It’s a yes to it all. The best part is that my kids get much-needed time with pals before they leave.
- Be the Goodwill pack mule. “I’m going to the base thrift store to drop things off and have plenty of extra room in the car. Let me swing by and pick up anything in your donation pile so it’s off your plate”. We live on base with a (sometimes aggressively) successful curb alert community. But just the same, sometimes it’s better to just drop it off to donate and be done with it. Along those lines…
- Take the alcohol/cleaning supplies/pantry clean-out items. Throwing away perfectly usable goods that just couldn’t be packed feels so wasteful, but it’s also hard to make sure everything gets taken. I find “would you like me to just take what I want, or is it easier if I take everything and then it’s out of your house” to be a helpful phrase if you feel like you are able to distribute/trash what you won’t use.
- Be a hangout spot or a bag drop during the day of the flight. I’ve had several friends who had an evening flight off the island but had to be out of the hotel by noon. Their options were to book a hotel room for the rest of the day out of pocket or try to find somewhere to hang out for 6 hours with 19 suitcases packed in the hot car. It costs me nothing at all to offer to let them store their bags in our screened lanai while they go out and enjoy their last few hours in the area, or if they’re good friends, offer to let them all hang out at our house for the day so they can really chill before travel. Just being able to sit back and relax can be a big relief before a long flight. I know I’d appreciate it if I were the one with the plane ticket.
It’s so hard to say goodbye to a member of our military village. Knowing that I made things at least a little easier for someone on their way out feels a bit like sending some love out into the world.
