When our two oldest boys decided that playing baseball for the Red Sox wasn’t in the cards, they needed to make a new plan. They said ” YES” to the ARMY instead, signed on the dotted line, and continued college, but added ROTC (Reserve Officer Training Corps) to that plan. Then came all the questions and concerns that this once ARMY spouse knew the answers to…but had no idea as an ARMY mom.
First came the shock. Just like many moms’ reactions when they hear this news. But also, I felt excitement for them. The ARMY is all that our kids have ever known. So why wouldn’t they want to walk in their dad’s shoes? When I asked the boys, “Why the ARMY?” their response made me laugh and tear up at the same time: “ A FREE education,” “The life I grew up in wasn’t so bad,” and “I just want to get the bad guys and serve my country.”
Here is some advice I would like to share from this ARMY mom to you. Though I’m not an expert, I have learned a thing or two as the boys have been on active duty for five and four years now.
Give them support
Tell them you are so proud of them for deciding to serve. They may be just as anxious as you. Remember mom, they are adults. You have done a great job, but it’s time to cut the cord.
Discuss and research
Take the time to learn about their branch of service. Ask your service member questions: “What is your job or what do you do?” “How long will you be living (stationed) there?” “When will you move (PCS permanent change of station)?” And most importantly, “How do I get in touch with you in case of an emergency? (Red Cross messages).”
You also have endless possibilities of learning at your fingertips, searching the internet.
Join a support group
Finding connections with other moms whose kiddos serve is a great way to learn, share stories, and get great advice. For example, Love Mom is a FB group we created just for you at Military Mom Collective. As a reminder, OPSEC (Operational Security) is very important. So no need to share where your service member is stationed, their job, or deployment locations and status.
Communicate with them when you can
There will be times when duty calls, and there isn’t time for mom. Take advantage of those phone calls, FaceTime, and text messages. But remember, they can’t be at your “beck and call”.
Letting go
This is a tough one, especially when you don’t know where they are, what they are doing, or if they are safe. You need to trust them and their leadership. Have confidence and faith that they are doing what needs to be done. This is not easy for moms to adapt and it may take some time for you to adjust. The more you learn, the easier it gets, I promise.
Feel all the feelings
The worry, sadness, anxiety, and fear of our sons or daughters serving our country is real. Don’t push those feelings aside. Be patient with yourself; it is ok to ask for help. Talking with your spouse, a friend, or another military mom can be so helpful. If the worry or anxiousness continues, talk to your doctor or another licensed professional who specializes in treating these concerns.
Find your “MoJo”
There is no time like the present to do something you once did but couldn’t find the time for in a while. Better yet, try something new to keep you busy. Get back to the gym and be your healthy self again. Keep Moving. Join a cooking class, paint group, book club, or volunteer at the veterans center. Trying new things, gardening, blogging, and creating new recipes have worked for me. Sitting around just waiting for that call is not healthy. You need to find “You”. You can do it momma!
When it is all said and done, being an ARMY mom or any service member’s mom has its ups and downs. It takes flexibility, patience, strength, and faith. But it also takes great pride when our kids decide to follow in their mom or dad’s footsteps in choosing to serve our country. We are not letting them go, no, we are supporting them with all the love, courage, and support that we moms have to give them.
We have raised them to go off and do great things in the world. Now this is their chance to do just that.
