Preparing My Heart for the Holidays

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Alas, we have endured the sweltering summer months, and now the ‘ber’ months are here. This mama knows what’s up – it’s time to prepare my heart for the holidays with or without my Airman (son).

This doesn’t get easier but is tolerable as I blot the tear trails leaking down my face. It isn’t that I’m sad but I feel the heartache of the mama that is going through this for the first time.

In the past, the ‘ber months (OctoBER, NovemBER, DecemBER) meant laughter, cooler weather, and warmer drinks. After being a Military Mom these last few years, I think I have finally come to a place of peace. Now these months mean pumpkins, mums (eek! Don’t kill them!), comfort foods, friends, family, lights, and presents.

I am finally allowing myself to enjoy this season and all its blessings without allowing the anxiety of the ‘what ifs’ to control my emotions.

What if he isn’t here for Thanksgiving?

What if he misses Christmas with us?

And so on…

That’s ok Mama, it is ok if he/she isn’t here because you can celebrate that day whenever he/she is home. A holiday is just a date on the calendar. The actual holiday is when your arms are around your child and the celebration can begin. That’s when you whip out the wreaths, mistletoe, and wrapping paper, again.

This year, to add to an already semi-achy heart, our Airman has asked his Airman (girlfriend) to be his wife, so I’ve been working on that addition to my heart. And oh what a wonderful addition she is! Sharing holidays, birthdays, and memorable moments in general will take some love, and patience, with a sprinkle of God’s grace to overcome and accept that it isn’t just about ‘us’ anymore.

It sounds easy to grin and bear it but takes work to mean what I say when I tell them to do what’s best for them. And I must admit, she is so easy to love and be loved by her that our Airman hit the jackpot. But my ‘mama heart’ still aches sometimes.

So, during these sometimes heart-wrenching ‘ber months:

Acknowledge your feelings and work through them. Give yourself permission to experience the range of emotions as they come, feel them, and let them pass.

Seek support. Talking through the situation, especially with someone who knows your service member, can be comforting.

Set boundaries. You have permission to say no to some things and yes to others. Take care of YOU. Do not feel obligated to meet someone’s expectations.

Find comfort in rituals. Certain traditions will bring more comfort than others, do them, as well as create new ones that feel manageable with the season you are in.

Focus on self-care & being gentle with yourself. Make time for activities that soothe you like walking, reading, or resting.

Connect with others. Especially other moms with children serving in the military.

Please remember we are each on a unique journey, so it is very important to find what works best for you. Don’t have too many expectations because your service member is on a difficult journey without you as well. Ultimately, it will all work out.

You are not alone.