There’s this feeling I always get right after, sometimes even during, a PCS where it feels like life disconnects me from myself. Like I’m fully present in the moment, stepping into a new version of our life in a new place. At the same time, quietly unsure of what I’m even doing at all.
Have you ever felt that before?
When Gratitude and Disconnection Coexist
It’s a strange tension we hold as military spouses, being grateful for the next chapter while also feeling completely ungrounded in it. When we moved from Charleston, I was ready for a change. I wasn’t a beach girl and didn’t love city life, so moving out into the country of North Carolina sounded like a dream. Even then, when I was physically stepping into this dreamy something new we had hoped for, I felt this undercurrent.
Everything from the outside looked like it was moving forward, but internally, it felt like I would never catch up.
The vulnerability of our lives can make us feel weak when, in reality, this lifestyle tends to put us in constant tension. We are expected to adapt quickly and rebuild often. In fact, the average military family, according to Telemynd, moves three times more than the average civilian family in a lifetime. Each move carries excitement and uncertainty all wrapped into one, not just for us but for our children as well, adding the pressure of carrying the emotions of the household to the mix. Yet through it all, we learn a type of flexibility that many humans may never understand.
Oftentimes, I try to fix the feeling by moving faster, which eventually only makes me feel further behind. I try to rebuild our routine in the same way it was before (it never works). I dive into finding groups and activities for everyone and desperately try to prove to myself more than anyone else that I’ve adjusted.
Now, two years into our last move, I realized I had to stop trying to figure out how to get the exact feeling back that I had before our PCS and start asking myself what I needed now. It makes perfect sense that the version of us that existed in one space, during a different season, wouldn’t necessarily be the exact replica of who exists in this new one. There’s no standard for how quickly you should feel settled in. No timeline for feeling like yourself again, and sometimes expecting it to feel identical only leaves us feeling stuck.
So friends, if you’re feeling a little disconnected right now, I want to encourage you that it’s completely normal to have a transition period that lasts a little bit longer than your expectations. You’re adjusting to a life that asks you to restart more often than most. Even within the moves where everything should be “right” because you wanted this. Yet you’re still feeling off.
Give yourself grace.
Maybe that feeling of needing to “fix” the disconnect is an invitation to learn how to come back into ourselves in a brand new way. We shouldn’t fight against it. We should accept the invitation it’s giving us to slow down, to pay extra attention to our needs, and to come back into ourselves in a way that isn’t tied to a singular place, a flawless routine, or a previous version.
Maybe this PCS is not about getting back, but learning how to carry ourselves forward.
Learn more about how the military life quietly rewires your nervous system and what we can do about it in this Military Mom Collective article.
