Which Home, for the Holidays?

Home for the holidays is a tricky concept for military families. I could write the introduction script for new military spouses or families meeting each other.

“Hi, I’m Ellen; what’s your name?”

“Where do you work?”

“Do you have kids?”

“Where are you from originally?”

We can’t help ourselves! As military spouses, these are the foundation questions we ask each other when trying to meet new people and find common connections. “Oh, you’re from the Midwest? Me too.”

“Oh, you’re a military BRAT? Me too.”

It’s the holiday season. The annual question is on the horizon…where are you spending the holidays? Did you celebrate in the summer because your service member is currently deployed? Are you alternating who you’re seeing this year? Are you at your local base because you don’t have leave?

Are you at home, and which home? The one you live in now, or the one you grew up in? Maybe you don’t have the funds to travel to see your extended family. Perhaps you’re like me and grew up where holidays were cold and snowy, but now you live somewhere with white sandy beaches and warm temperatures for the holidays that don’t feel quite right. Maybe you are having difficulty giving up years of traditions now that you’re living a different life.

While my boys are little, “home for the holidays” looks like being together in our current space.

I don’t want to schlep the tree and the menorah across the country to have the holidays elsewhere. I don’t want my kids to feel pressured to be on their best behavior. I want to let them be little. I want to let them enjoy coming out of their roos, to our fresh Christmas tree, with bedhead, new Christmas pjs, and the ability to melt into the couch all day. I’m the mom who makes them open their presents one at a time so I can see the joy on their faces as they open each one. Now that they are getting older, it is even harder to fill the tree.

Many military families go through the stress and finances of prepping for holiday travel, shipping packages to their destination, and then trying to figure out how all those toys and goodies will get back home. There’s the expectation of visiting 5000 people in the three days we’re home since we don’t always make it there often. What’s supposed to be a calm, replenishing, reflective time of year can put everyone on edge.

So as for me and my house of little men, I plan to throw my hair in a messy bun, put on my cozy Christmas jammies, blast the holiday music, and if I don’t leave my house for a week, that’s just fine by me. I want to binge the Christmas cookies, building legos, and puzzles while watching Christmas movies. I want to play dreidel with the loose change we’ve collected all year. I want presence with my family. To be in our home for the holidays. One day we might not all be able to be together for the holidays. My doors are open to anyone who wants to come visit us. Please know this isn’t a dis to any of our extended family and friends, but it’s reclaiming this time of year for ourselves and our family. My family and I will be cozy at home this year.