Hosting Holiday Houseguests (Tips from Your Local Lazy Mom)

The holiday season is almost here, and like so many others families, we anticipate houseguests for both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year! It’s such a busy time of year, even without houseguests, so if I can game plan a bit in advance, the last minute planning can focus on the panic/rage cleaning that we all know and love. With two of my four kids still too young for school, I don’t have loads of spare time to prepare, and my home will never be spotless. However, with a little forethought I can make it comfortable and easy for others to visit so that we can welcome family as often as possible. 

• Communicate in advance about what type of trip your houseguests would like to have. Do they want to spend time with your family, or do they plan to get out for some time on their own? Are they excited to go to the kids soccer game on a Saturday morning, or are they hoping to do more sightseeing? In the past, I realized I have spent too much time focusing on planning back-to-back activities and experiences when my houseguests were really plenty happy to just spend some quality time with me and our kids that they don’t regularly get to see.
• Excursions don’t always have to be something big! My in-laws come every Thanksgiving, so they’ve experienced most of what the local area has to offer, but I still try to plan something outside the usual that either I know they’ve enjoyed in the past or they have not done before. Think about what local things you have mentioned to your houseguests, or maybe somewhere you shared pictures of on social media that they responded to. It can be as simple as a park that you really enjoy and regularly talk about. If a bigger experience is on your to do list, get as many details as you can in advance (or task your spouse or older child even to get the info). It might be overkill, but it really is a downer when everyone is anticipating a fun activity and you arrive to find the tickets sold out online last week, the tree farm isn’t open on Mondays, or no backpack/purses are allowed inside and your car is a mile away (absolutely speaking from personal experience on all of these).
• A week or so before my visitors arrive, I usually offer to pick up any specific groceries they might want from a store I regularly visit. With all of the online ordering available, this is even easier now because I can say something like “I plan to be at store X the day before you visit, if you would like to place an online order for specific things you would like I can pick it up for you, or if it’s just an item or two, let me know and I will get it when I grab our groceries”. By specifying the store, I’m not putting an extra burden to visit somewhere I don’t regularly go, and at the same time making it easier for them to have things they need/want to have on hand right away.
• Walk the space that your guest will be staying in. Aside from the basics like clean sheets on the bed, the bath towels they are to use easily visible, etc. do a quick think about your specific guest’s habits or physical requirements. For example, I know my father-in-law will need to visit the restroom at least once during the night so before their stay, I make sure that the bathroom has a working night light and remove the step stool my kids sometimes leave out so that there are no unexpected tripping hazards between the bedroom and the bathroom. Likewise, I know my mother-in-law is quite a bit shorter than I am, so I move the tea she likes to drink first thing in the morning down to a lower shelf where she can reach it. My dad has a bad back, so I put out a heating pad when I get the room ready for him to visit. They are little things, but lend to the general comfort of visiting.
• If you expect to host a holiday meal during the visit like Thanksgiving dinner, I try to plan at least some of the menu together. A quick, “Is there anything specific you usually have at holidays that the holidays wouldn’t be the same without? “gives them the chance to mention something without interrupting your menu last minute. If they are going to be at your house for meal prep, I plan in advance what dishes I can delegate to my guests (I’m not a full service bed and breakfast, and nobody should expect you to be one either. Everyone can pitch in with cooking and clean up) and which ones I really need to do myself. Remember that you can make your kitchen as welcoming as possible, but it is still not your visitor’s kitchen and so they are going to need help finding things. I find that if I’m in the middle of making some thing I can be pretty snappish about saying where something is so laying supplies out cuts back any friction. Some years I’ve also decided that doing 90% of the menu store-bought is also really the way to go. It’s the time together that counts so if you need a spreadsheet to figure out when you’re going to have time to make great grandma‘s cinnamon rolls from scratch, maybe grab a pack of Pillsberry this year and let it go. Or, order a seasonal pie from a local bakery (if you’re on Oahu I highly recommend Hawaiian Pie Co), get a tub of vanilla ice cream and a bottle of chocolate sauce and call the job done.
• If you have kids, prepping them for visitors is really invaluable. I could write a whole post just on this topic, but I’ll try to keep it brief! Let them know which family activities you expect or require them to participate in, and make sure to outline other times when they can expect to have time to themselves or with friends. Predictability and knowing what is asked of them in advance gives them a much better chance of meeting expectations and showing off their best selves. If they are going to be expected to share a room with others, help them set aside particularly beloved toys that they don’t feel capable of sharing and keep them in your room. Finally, and most importantly, talk to them about bodily autonomy and that “we do not keep secrets no matter what”. Nobody wants to think that someone they know would do something to harm your child, but the reality is that it happens. Give them the tools and trust to come to you.

Wishing you all the smoothest hosting this holiday season, and if all else fails, remember this too shall pass, and the bumps in the road usually make the funniest memories…eventually.