Long summer days are almost upon us, and if you’re like me, you are feeling a mixture of excitement to have more time with your kids, and also overwhelm at the blank calendar left to be filled with activities that have been organized and created primarily by mom.
With four kids to please, it is impossible to meet everyone’s expectations. One of my kids prioritizes hanging with friends above all else, another could be happy going to the beach every day, and my five year old twins just want hours at the playground. Being pulled in all directions is stressful for me, and it feels like nobody wins. Then, over spring break a couple of years ago, I built a bucket list with my kids and it worked so well for us that we decided to use it for summer vacation, too. The beauty of the bucket list is that if you build it as a family and give a little consideration to budget and the tempo of life your family prefers, it gives everyone something to be excited about while also leaving plenty of space for lazing around (and cleaning rooms, let’s be honest). Obviously there are some things that have to be scheduled months in advance like summer camps and trips, but for the most part, we don’t discuss summer plans until the week after school is out. May is already busy enough without trying to sketch out the summer!
I’m sure there are different ways to come up with a bucket list, but here is what works for our family:
1. Everyone gets a say in the bucket list
I sit down with all of the kids together for a big breakfast and have an open session for them to tell me every little thing that crosses their mind that they might want to do. Some of the ideas are absurd and we have a good laugh about them, but for the most part I get great insight into the things my kids are interested in. It seems like what they are in to changes month to month, so this little brain storming session can be really eye opening! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought “Oh, I know they’re all going to want to do.. insert budget busting activity here…” when the top item on their list ends up being “Ride the new public transit monorail.”
2. Don’t over complicate it (your wallet will thank you!)
Since we’ve already lived in our city for a few years, each of my kids has a pretty good idea of the places they want to visit, but if we were newer to the area, I would try to make a list in advance that my kids could read through to choose. After we have all of our suggestions written out, I try to break down the activities into those that require spending money (zoos, play places, sporting events, or even the movies), a list of favorite local food treats, free activities (playgrounds, parks, and beaches), and fun-at-home days- a kid favorite is “melt your brain day” where my kids can watch as much TV as they can tolerate, but there are lots of great ideas on this list, too.
3. Chores are included!
Each child gets to name something from each category that they want to do, and I try to find out if there are particular friends it feels important to get together with (this one, of course, is better to ask before school lets out just in case you need to exchange contact information). It’s not all fun games. Before we sit down as a family, I also come up with a list of housekeeping activities that need to be addressed over the summer. Some of them are things I absolutely need their help with like cleaning out clothing drawers, or culling their room toys. Some of them are things for me to accomplish alone like clean out the pantry, and my kids can lend a hand to vacuum shelves and sweep floors.
4. Boundaries are important!
We always have an item or two on our bucket list that requires both parents to be present, so I try to put a hard date on those things as early in the summer as possible so my spouse can request a day off, but otherwise at the beginning of each week throughout the summer we pick do 2-3 fun activities from our list and one major housekeeping item.
After we’ve created our list, my oldest writes it on a blank piece of paper with fun markers and a check box next to each activity and we post it on our fridge where we can all see the plan! I also like this free printable, check boxes already included.
For me, the point of the bucket list isn’t necessarily to make sure my kids have the best summer ever. I want them to enjoy their time off, sure, but the biggest win of the bucket list for me is my mental health. When my kids start fussing about being bored or why we can’t do something, I used to get deeply triggered and my response would range unpredictably from anger over my perception that they are ungrateful to that icky sticky mom guilt that we hadn’t done anything special (with an immediate and usually overly elaborate and expensive trip to somewhere to ease that guilt). Once we started planning our breaks this way, when the whining starts I send them to the list to remind them (and me!) that we already did an activity, or that what they are asking about is scheduled for another week. It’s easy to become overextended making everyone’s dream come true, and at the same time feeling like we’ve wasted our summer away, but the school break bucket lists have really helped us all feel like we’ve made the most of our time.
Nine weeks feels like you’ve got all the time in the world to make summer memories when it’s day one, but you’ll be back to school shopping before you can believe it (which is also a bucket list activity, ha!). So if you have ever hit those last few days before school starts and felt like “oh no, what did we even DO this summer?” try putting together a quick summer break bucket list.
