Releasing Guilt and Reclaiming Your Own Desire
One thing I learned quickly when I became a military spouse was that I had absolutely no business limiting myself or feeling guilty for desiring more.
My situation was a bit unique: we had what felt like an entire life established before even considering adding the Air Force into it. My husband didn’t enlist until we were 28. We had a toddler and found out just before he left for basic training that we were expecting another little one. We still lived in our hometown, surrounded by every immediate family member on both sides of our family. Then the military decided it would be fun to send us almost 1,700 miles away from it all.
Now this is where a lot that don’t live this lifestyle might use our favorite phrase (I know you’ve heard it too), ”Well, you knew what you were signing up for!” and, honestly, in this case, that’s true. I did know what we were signing up for; I anticipated the big move, the fresh start, and the adjustments.
But what I didn’t anticipate was the deep desire I would have burning for more for myself.
I was happy for my husband. He was already thriving on more structure and had always wanted to enlist when the time was right. Being able to explore new places and make new houses our home is something I even find myself itching for every couple of years at this point. But I also sacrificed my roots and my career for these new beginnings. It felt wrong to know so deeply that we had made the right decision while also questioning what I was doing with my own life!
It felt like my brain was split in two: one side living in the present, embracing all the change, and the other wishing I were excelling in my own career and building something for myself.
The desire felt wrong.
The more I sat with these feelings, the more I started realizing something I wish more military spouses were told early on: wanting more doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for the life you’re currently living.
It simply means you’re craving more self-expression, and if I’m being completely honest, military life can make those feelings ten times stronger. Especially if you’re experiencing any feelings of isolation. When everything around you seems like it’s constantly changing, it’s natural to crave something that is just yours to hold.
This image popped up in my Facebook memories recently. It took me back to some of the most inconsistent days of restarting my career. I had no idea what I was doing. My 
toddler was the only assistant I could afford, and I questioned every single decision that I made.
For a little while, I felt like building something for myself simply wasn’t what I was supposed to do.
I thought I should invest all of my time in this “military spouse” persona, manage moves, kids and schedules, and not desire anything else outside of those roles. Because that’s what I was supposed to be doing. It felt easier to just pause the piece of me that was the career woman, entrepreneur, and thrived off business connections.
Well, that mindset lasted six months! It was six months before I decided to dive off the deep end into a full-blown digital business. I figured it out by myself back then. What I didn’t realize (and want you all to know!) is that there are so many ways military spouses are creating careers. Careers that move with them and the endless resources to help. Not perfectly or without challenges, but in meaningful ways that avoid starting over each move. Careers that fill those deep, burning desires for more.
For some, “more” may look like building a remote career that can move with them. Here are some examples:
1. Virtual assisting or online business support
2. Social media management or digital marketing
3. Freelance writing or graphic design
4. Remote corporate positions that allow for location flexibility
For others, it may look like tapping into resources designed specifically for military spouses. Some examples include:
MyCAA offers up to $4,000 in funding for certifications and career training
Hiring Our Heroes provides fellowships, networking, and career pathways
Military Spouse Employment Partnership connects spouses with employers committed to hiring within the community
SECO Career Center provides free career coaching, resume help, and job search support
Freedom Makers Virtual Services is a community connecting military spouses and veteran freelancers with businesses looking to hire virtual assistants for a variety of roles
USAJOBS has the ability to isolate government jobs that specifically hire military spouses
No matter the way, shifting your direction may look like starting something small, finding a creative outlet, or moving forward with a business idea that grows over time. All are ways to feel like you again outside of the roles you carry.
None of these examples comes without figuring things out as you go. But they all have one thing in common: they provide you with a way to stop putting YOUR life and YOUR desires on hold. If you’re in a season where adding more feels overwhelming, I want to remind you that this isn’t about adding pressure; it’s about releasing the guilt of desiring more. You don’t have to have a timeline or know exactly what it means or what it will look like.
But you owe it to yourself to explore that desire inside you.
Learn more about Career & Education Resources for Military Spouses here.
