HOORAY! They’re coming home!
The season is here for our active duty service daughters and sons to come home. They have been gone for so long, training, deployed, or just stationed in other places. We have anticipated their arrival with bated breath. Prepped their favorite meals. Cleaned their rooms and planned activities. Today is the day, we are doing a happy dance!
Well, Mom, here is what I learned to expect when they come home…
As a 30-year veteran spouse, I have seen both sides; That of my husband returning home with a house full of littles, then teens. To today, having my husband semi-retired, and now our two boys being active duty themselves. Coming home can have its challenges. I am guilty of making all the fuss only to be disappointed. I have learned a few tricks and what to expect when they come home along the way.
Our kids are not returning home the same way they left the nest.
They have grown to be adults serving our country. They have learned to be independent problem solvers. Partially because of you. But more so, by stepping away from the hand-holding and becoming more confident in themselves. That is a good thing! Their personalities and expectations of you may also have changed. All the hugs and kisses they used to love may not be what they want or need right now.
They may need downtime.
I can say for a fact they love the welcome home of a home-cooked meal and a clean bed to sleep in, but they may be grumpy and need a little alone time. Give them that time and try not to smother them. I know that it is hard. If it is sitting around on the couch or them being alone in a duck blind, yes, we are a family of hunters; you don’t have to join them. It is their time to just not think, relax, and maybe self-reflect without all the responsibilities of work on their minds.
They may need friend time.
While they are home, they will always want to see friends, coaches, and teachers. You don’t have to invite those people over just so they will stay home. Give them the space to visit others, and sometimes your car to go do that. To keep your heart from getting broken or feelings from getting hurt, ask them what their plans are for when they come home. Though they may not have any ideas or plans yet, be ready for them to have some when they arrive.Â
They may need Mom time.
Ask them to set some time just for you and them while they are home. Not a full day; that may be too much to expect, just “some” time. It could be as simple as morning coffee together at the kitchen island or a breakfast date out. A drive around town to show them what has changed while they were gone. Sitting outside on the porch by the fire pit and just chatting is my favorite.Â
Moms, let’s go into their next visit with an open heart. Love them where they are, not where they were when they left. When they leave again, and you know they will, let them go knowing they are loved and supported, not smothered and managed. That is the kind of home they will always want to come back to. I hope these little tips and reminders help you to understand what to expect when they come home.
Peace and Blessings,
Jenn
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